About work and play

One of the the most memorable courses in my BA was persoanlity. The proffesor used to say truths that touched my heart. Among them was winnicots statement about play.

Play is not playing cards or memory- play is the ability to let go of the external world, let go of the guard. its the opposite of work.

I feel like I lost that ability.

I have became a workaholic. and i have kind of lost my ability to have fun. read a book, watch t.v, get hang up in nature or something.

well, not completly, I can somtimes get all hooked up at the truely beautiful nature in my neiborhood, and on a dinner i was i got caught up in a story.

but in general,it is all work work work. and thinking of money and future.

I'm addicted to my inbox. I imagine the guys that I "pen pal" with, I want to be conisdered a hero and extra smart.

what i'm proud is that lately I'v stopped somewhat with this trend. when I saw I wouldn't get a raise for, that I am not payed for my devotion for my total investment in this company.


But it's still hard for me to get back to my hobbies.

I'm doing experiments with myself. doing things and looking at myself from outside

Organizing 3

Once you start cleaning up your room you begin to enjoy it. You don't see it as an undesired chore but as a something else.
It gave me energy and I did some other things. It also reminded me of things I needed to do. I still have a lot to do. Now I'm looking forward to my exercise session.


It calms you up. remind you of stuff. takes you away from the immediate urgnet insective present to somewhere else. a planning place. You find old books. You remember old plans.

organizing 2

I statred but I was destructed. I'm going to measure now of 15 minutes of on task room organizing.

Organizing

I'm so bad in doing things that require discipline. But the interesting thing is when I actually abide to the rules I decide upon, it makes me feel good.

kind of in control, rational and clear mind - it increases my self esteem.


I neglect organizing my room. When I get home I feel laziness. I just want to lie down and not do anything.

so now after all that i'm going to start arranging my room. I'm going to put on music with it.

I wanted to feel sorrow today

I wanted to real feel the bottom of sadness. I was walking to my home and I wanted to feel sadness pure and simple. with no prorction and no chearing up.

I wanted to produce tears, I wanted to feel sad and sorrow. I wanted no interruptions.

I wanted something clear, not something mixed, I wanted to see everything in the same light.

I didn't want to fight, I didn't want aggression or anger or revenge.

i hate my mom

I live with her and it's getting real hard.


she is the most aggressive woman in the world.

she is so negative and cynical and isn't gentle at all.


she's real bad she is really horrible.

she isn't refined at all.

I really hate her.

If she wants you to move she pushes you.

shell bother you while you eat if something doesn't look right to her.

she is so impulsive, she is the worst.

she doesn't know any other way.


she was now upset that my room was messy so she put the whole room on my bed.

and whats bad about this- is that it brings out the aggression from me.

it has become real hard for me to live with my mom

my father is OK. But my mom constantly picks on me and criticizes me. I try to ignore everything she says- though there is some truth. I just see her as destructive and cynical. and it's really time to leave home.

she is so not supportive with my struggles in life. alway bugs me about my room. and things like that.

falling in love throgh email

I fell in love with a guy at work who I never saw and I probably never will. He is a young married man a father of very young children. and I only saw pictures of him. He's funny and smart and very eloquant in his speach. Because English is not my mother tongue, then when I speak with him I feel like he can word me. His status is also much higher then mine.

I work in a company with branches all over the world.

I want to have interaction with this guy more then for just work purposes. and when I need him for work, I cannot distiniguish if it is really for work.

I get jealous of my manager when she talks to him, when he sends her emails - which anyone can realize is plain stupid. The most stupid kind of possesivness that I can think of.

I think that what really hurts me is that I am not the only one who is charmed by this guy.

That other people also find him funny and cool and smart and charming. They talk about him with a smile. I guess apart of all this is my own self confidence problems.

knowing that there is someone smarter, funnier, happier, sweeter then I am. And there are always people like that. There will always be people that will be more happy and more funny and better wrapped than you.

and you will always be somewhat more heavy and frowny then someone else. Thats the way it is.

I'm glad that I will never meet him. I think it would have been really akward.

I'm leaving this job in a few months for school.


Thats all I wanted to say.

I feel much better already

jealousy of a girl on the bus

hi,


it was a really authentic feeling i felt. i wanted to be her. She was energetic and happy and optimistic and smart and structured. she had hobbies and she spoke in detail.

and next to her i felt so damm empty. so lost. so absorbed in my own sad world.

oh how i feel lost.

I really do feel that way. and very lonely to.

how do draw attention over here?

Millions of blogs- how do know anyone reading yours if you see no comments.

how do you start? any tips?

tomorrow i am starting to take ritalin, i'm real glad aboutt that.

last short one

I have job i give service to people .

I have a BA in behavior science

I am a person filled with faults but i know ways to help mysefl

I am not at peace with who i am .

writing helps me a lot.

i learn from people

I do feel more lonely than i would want to be

at time I have difficult periods

i look at myself from outside- and I think how irrational I am.

My first posts are real short just to get a feel.

test

hey- this is just a test

hi

this is my first attempt at blogging, so i'm going to make it real short.

test 1-2-3

hi nice to meet you

I'm 26 and a half from israel.

I feel like it really helps me to write things- I used to write a diary, but somehow that lost it's effect. I need people to read my thoughts my experiences.

This is my first real attempt at blogging.


hope I will benefit and that others will benefit from it.